Jess

Well, a wise man, Freddie Mercury, once sung "One day of love is worth a lifetime without it." Now I'm working on 8 months of pure, unadulterated love with Jess, the loveliest monkey of them all. I love this girl more than anything, and she loves me just as much. It's a nice little reciprocation agreement. She's extremely beautiful, and very intelligent, even though she doesn't seem to think so very often. Her self-esteem can be depressing sometimes, but that's what she has me for. I compliment her, kiss her, hug her, and make a total ass out of myself quite often to help keep her happy, and up to now I've done a pretty good job. She's a kick-ass actress too! No, I didn't get the main point of her play, but that wasn't her fault! I'm just an ass. So what? Anyway, I love her dearly, and I always will.

Jackie

Jackie is Unique. Let's get that said and done with because it pretty-much impacts anything I could possibly say about her. Jackie was my partner in crime in high school, and continues to plague the principal, Barry Spetter, to this day. Together, there was nothing we couldn't pull off. Now Jackie is also on a mission to do anything to piss off her parents. Somewhat suicidal, but she pulls it off with only some light retribution. I would want to piss them off too if they were my parents. Her dad looks like he's 65, and her mom looks like she's about 30. Apparently, they're only one year apart, but I'm still not convinced. Her dad seems somewhat cool, but her Mom's a devout Christian who even thinks that I'm gay. We're not sure why, but I really don't care because I'm not there very often. If I was, her giant bear-of-a-dog would eat me. Her dog is huge, and I still think that she should enter him into the Kentucky Derby. Jackie also has a Jesus nightlight shining the light of God down from her Eiffel Tower in her bedroom. Don't ask. I'm not exaggerating. She also has a glass head from Brookstone that got disabled by the CB3 (Clit-Buster 3000), a massager (vibrator) that could make Pamela Anderson weep. Now, the funny thing is that Jackie's parents try to seclude her eccentricities from her younger sister, who thinks that Jay and Jackie are going out. If you knew either Jackie or Jay, you'd laugh at the sister just as we all do. Jackie's a good friend, and she's going to Rutgers for Theatre Production.

Marco

Well, out of my current friends, Marco is the one I've had the longest. He's been my best friend since 3rd grade, which is an achievement with all the crap that went down in Marie V. Duffy School and Mackinnon. I basically became friends with him after he beat my ass in a water gun fight. He was inventive, and his gun shot so much farther than mine that I threatened to call the cops. I didn't call the cops, but I should've <evil grin>! He likes listening to Rap and R&B, which is what we're listening to while I'm typing this. What are the rappers saying, you ask? Well, I don't know. I can't tell. I think that Marco can, because he's repeating what they're saying, but I'm not even sure of that. They've got his brain too! When he starts walking around rapping to no one, as almost everyone does at Kean, I'll kick him. Not in the shin, but in someplace much worse...the sternum. Anyway, he's tall as hell and makes really interesting faces. He's a Poli Sci major at TCNJ since he wants to be a lawyer, and he's one of the newest brothers of Lambda Sigma Upsilon, Latino Fraternity Incorporated. He's really psyched about being a brother, but he's always been like one to me. Be cool Marco. Be happy and multiply.

Rob

I met Rob this past November when I moved into Bartlett Hall. He's a meteorology major who wants to forecast for TV. He's been an asset because I always know what the weather is going to be like, which is good since the cable here sucks balls and the Weather Channel doesn't work. Rob's been a good friend, even if he does feel down about himself a lot. His favorite line is "Chopper, Sick Balls," from Stand by Me. I don't actually remember that movie, but the line's funny when he says it, so oh well. However, he also has the ability to make this high-pitched squeel whine that curdles my nervous system and makes me cry the tears of a 5-year-old. His other super-power is that of the Mighty Winds. This man can blow gas out of his ass that would choke a donkey and knock down a 3 story building. Sometimes they're so loud that you can hear it as background noise over the phone. All in all, he's a good guy and I'm rooming with him again next semester.